The New Initialisms

What do they really mean?

By

Kim L Sellers

North Carolina is a beautiful state, green, cardinals, banking, technology and a shitload of Republicans.  HB2 Republicans, gerrymandering Republicans, limit-voter-registration Republicans, limit-early-voting Republicans, limit-the-new-Governor’s powers (because he’s a Democrat), Republicans; who by the grace of God, won by approximately 10,000 votes out of 4.7 million votes cast.  He’s screwed.  We’re screwed.  All God’s children are screwed.

Most people believe that LGBT means Lesbian, Gay, Bi, and Transsexual, but they would be wrong.  North Carolina is the South, and most North Carolina Republicans believe that LGBT means Lesbian, Gay, Black, and that other word.  But whoa, Nelly, it’s more complicated than that, try LGBTQA and sometimes I.  And the Initialisms keep growing, as more uniquely different people are being discovered, in the nooks and crannies of our societies.  I think we were all happier before social media.  Dimmer but happier.

Bottom Line: HB2 is a Republican House Bill that stands for SEGREGATION, SEPARATISM, HATE, and RACISM.  It’s quite simply, a new twist on The Old South.  And it is indeed a twisted platitude.

North Carolina is the antithesis of California, and maybe that’s a good thing, because California is so progressive, it makes my tail spin, and that’s not a homophobic pun, that’s an expression of pure unadulterated fear.  California’s bathrooms are unsafe!  I mean, any Tom, Dick or Mary could be taking a whiz next to you.  Don’t look, I keep telling myself, but I really do want to know. 

Do HB2 people stand at urinals or do they sit on toilets?  I guess it depends on the type of HB2 person it is.  I’ll have to ask the next time I’m taking a whiz next to one, although, I tend not to talk when I’m whizzing away.  Seriously, is there something different down there?  Am I going to freak out, if I chance a peek?

Here’s an idea, rather than voter ID’s, why not bathroom ID’s; I mean, with a swipe, you’re in; and a wipe, you’re out.  None the wiser, because a bathroom is no place to get a higher education.  Although, it’s apparently a great place for sex, which is why the North Carolina legislature passed HB2 in the first place. Republicans, for the most part, don’t believe in bathroom sex; it’s too disconcerting, when you’re taking a bribe between legislative sessions; and God forbid if it’s a constituent, holding their HB2 nether regions in the neighboring stall, while you’re doing the dirty deed, because it’d be a cold day in hell before you were reelected.  Ask Weiner.  Oh, he’s a Democrat.  Damn.

Republicans also tend to stick together, they’re like bedfellows, so to speak. Look at how they all stuck by Trump; not one questioned his veracity, but more than one, a veritable army, openly questioned the size of his hands, which was imbecilic, considering his wife; who I suggest would have left him, if not for the wad of cash in his fist.  It’s girth that determines a man’s worth, not his ability to push bureaucratic minutiae.  But I digress.

Obama would make a great standup comedian, especially now that Trump is President.  Jeez, it’d literally be a cornucopia of humorous material.  Think about it: you have the swelled head, the penchant for denial, carrot top hair, small hands, fascist children and a son-in-law, who despises a fellow republican, a governor, simply because he had the gall to bask publicly in the glory of putting his father in jail for breaking the law.  Not a small law, either.   No, rich people abhor petty crime; it’s beneath them,

It’s almost Shakespearean, if not for its soap opera script. 

If Trump dies in office, will the republican congress declare his youngest son President?  Will the other Trump children conspire against him?  Will we discover, by chance, decades later, a child’s skeletal remains buried under a White House staircase? 

This one is still up in the air but apparently, Donald is seriously considering producing a White House reality show.  Will every American male be glued to his TV screen, hoping to catch a glimpse of Melania taking a shower?  Or even better, Trump sitting in a bathtub, beseeching Melania to bring him his rubber duck.  She, saying from off camera, 

“We ate the duck yesterday, Donald.  Don’t you remember?”

“Not that duck, Melania!” 

Then, turning to the camera, mimicking Francis Underwood, he adds,

“Poor, rich Melania, she’s not the brightest lightbulb in the White House.”

End Episode I. 

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